“The Mediterranean Old World Religions, all save the Hebraic, agreed in regarding the processes of the propagation of life as divine, at least as something not alien and abhorrent to the godhead. But the early Christian propagandists, working here on Hebraic lines, intensified the isolation of God from the simple phenomena of birth, thereby engendering at times an anti-sexual bias, and preparing a discord between any possible biological view and the current religion’s dogma, and modern ethical thought has not been wholly a gainer thereby.” L. R. Farnell, 1896 (quoted in Merlin Stone, When God Was a Woman, Harvest, 1978)There was a time when birth was a sacred event. Sexuality was a holy act. Fertility was worshiped.
I have no religious training and I still don't know whom to believe. But I do feel poetry deeply and I perceive beauty in an overwhelming manner. My need for true faith in a spiritual being watching over me grew exponentially with the traffic in Kuta-Denpasar. I received the gift of faith by watching over my toddler.
When I reached the age of engaged sexuality, I realized there was something mysterious going on sometimes. I could feel specially connected with someone and that someone would help me reach states that I could not describe except by using poetry. For some time, I would think there was something special in that particular person, but then I realized it was me, as well as him. It was some indescribable synchronicity of individuals in a special time and space that would bring us somewhere “out”. I was feeling connected to the Universe through sex. Each one of those particularly sensual partners was the vessel that would bring me to the other side. Some were aware of the role they played, and they pretty much enjoy it, some didn’t have a clue. Some became my boyfriends for a while, some not. Following those occasional sessions of great connectedness, I felt full of divine inspiration, words of love would flood my heart and my mind would speak in verses. It felt mystical and holy.
Yet, something was missing. I knew I wasn’t getting it all. I felt like I was not able to reach the point where the time and the space disappeared and every appearance of reality exploded into multicolored fragments. There was a dimension that I could see beyond; I could feel its presence without being able to enter. It was only when I fully accepted my own fertility that I could abandon myself into that immensely pleasurable feeling reached by the sexual union with a very special person. I was ready to give up all my fears and barriers, I was ready to say what Saint Therese, Maria Maddalena de’ Pazzi, Madame Guyon said deep into their mystical (asexual) ecstasies: volo, I want. It is the ultimate Yes. It is the loss of oneself in the heart of the wholeness. It is the path to the cosmic orgasm. This path is most commonly undergone through sex, but also through meditation and extreme abnegation – the hard way (as Michel Odent said). Eventually, I became pregnant.
I know that it is possible to reach the cosmic orgasm without getting pregnant and also to get pregnant without any orgasm at all. But the ancients didn’t really distinguish the biological laws and, though I suppose they knew where and why the babies came from, that wasn’t so important as the fact that while having sex, they were contributing to the love of the Universe, and the Universe was willing to grace them with a new life. This new life was worshiped as divine, beautiful, sacred, mysterious, a gift. The gate through which it entered the earthly world was honored, before and after. It was the gate to the Universe and the celestial path to the Earth. Maiden, Mother and Crone were all incarnations of the one ever changing and ever the same sacred gate.
Motherhood was ruling over the society. Women and men were free to use their bodies and their lives as it pleased them. Actually, they were invited to use it in honor of the Great Mother of all, who was most delighted by pleasurable offerings. All children were welcome, no matter who participated to the joy of the creation. It means, every single life was a bliss. Every single mother was a goddess. This state of things lasted supposedly (and archeologically) some 25.000 years.
It is only by the introduction, and (slowly, very slowly and violently, very violently) gained predominance of the patriarchal society, that the mighty channel ceased to be honored as such. Not that it wasn’t used anymore, it just lost its mightiness, holiness, the worship. The worship dragged along the privileges: matrilineal descent and heredity, ruling power, spiritual and material predominance of women. The Goddess channel became only a sheath (vagina) for a mighty hammer of a vindictive God. A Mother who loves became subjugated by a Father who inspires fear. Pleasure became punishment. Thus, the sad consequences accumulated during two millenniums: mutilation of sexual organs, un-orgasmic sex, sterile procreation, traumatic birth, uncelebrated life, and let me add, just for the sake of a hypothetical random list - unattached parenting, joyless schooling, lonely consumption of occasionally perceived beauty, death as the ultimate liberation from a dull and unbearable life. Oh, I forgot endless wars for material and spiritual predominance that are not giving any sign of ending. It’s a torture costing us some 2.000 years of human time spent on Earth. We could have used it to sing and to dance, to squirm in delight and contribute to the love of the Universe while still doing our businesses and trades while travelling our ways towards the ultimate truth.
Honestly, what I meant to say is that maybe the fact that the feminine organs of procreation lost their holiness in time (for whatever reason) brought us to the point that birth is treated as a mechanical delivery of the genetic parcel to the appointed destination, and in order to do so the package can be unwrapped gently or it can be impatiently chopped. It’s time to give back to the Goddess what belongs to the Goddess in order to save our own mental, physical and spiritual health for the sake of our own species. Birth is holy. Sex is mighty. Fertility is a gift.
Few inspirational sources:
Merlin Stone, When God Was a Woman, Harvest, 1978.
Michel Odent, The Functions of the Orgasms: The Highways to Transcendence, Pinter & Martin Ltd, 2009.